i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
