At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"