Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
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I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
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Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.