i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
