do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We left the knife in your bed.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
