I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
