do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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