i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Princesses don't give blow jobs
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
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