we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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