I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
