My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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