The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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