I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
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The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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