So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
