what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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