im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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