Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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