just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
