just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
