Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
