i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
