i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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