Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
