Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
