i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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