If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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