what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
