eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Randomize
