I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
