so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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