Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
