im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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