I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
did you just send me my own nude
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
