Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
