My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
