some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
