It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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