Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
