Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
