burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Never underestimate the power of titties
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
