The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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