I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
