Where did you get a picture of my penis
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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