the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
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