Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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