There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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