What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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