If i come over, it means nothing
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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