1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I need to wash the frat house off of me
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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