the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
