oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
