I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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