i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
