i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm passing your future prison.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Couch. On fire.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
