It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize