so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
