Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
