Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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