no, he came in my armpit
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
