just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
