Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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