People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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