I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
